Anise Stafford
Anise Stafford is a single mom of four from Caldwell County. She will have been licensed through DSS for 6 years in August. During that time, Anise has done foster care, respite care, and has adopted four children. The day after Anise was licensed, she did respite care for a little boy from Friday afternoon until Tuesday morning. On Tuesday afternoon, Anise got a call for a long term placement of a little girl, who she had custody of for two and a half years.
Then, Anise got her son, who was born premature and was a medically fragile child. Her son had 2 siblings that Anise eventually got custody of. She also had another foster daughter that she adopted. Eventually, Anise adopted the three siblings. Her journey to building her family was a long process but one that was worth it in the end.
When asked why she decided to become a foster parent, Anise shared stories from her childhood that inspired her. Adoption was a big part of her family. She had several cousins that were adopted. Anise was actually abandoned by her birth mom when she was in the sixth grade. Her mom was in and out of her life and would be doing well one minute and then not good at all the next. People would ask Anise how her mom was doing and she had to tell them she did not know. There were times she did not even know if her mom was dead or alive. It was a roller coaster for Anise’s entire life until her mom passed away a few years ago. Luckily, Anise had her grandmother who was there for her as a child. She stepped in to pick up the pieces. However, not all kids have that. She wanted to be that person for a child.
Anise always knew that she wanted kids and knew that foster and adoption would be a way for her to give children a chance at stability. On top of that, Anise actually had cervical cancer and had to have a full hysterectomy, so she knew she would never be able to have biological children. When Anise worked for DSS, she did not even think it was possible for a single person to be a foster parent. However, the social workers there worked with her, encouraged her and helped her on her path to becoming licensed.
When asked what she would say to another single person thinking of becoming a foster parent, Anise said: “Do it.” She said it is “the hardest and most heartbreaking thing you could ever do, but it is also the most rewarding thing you could ever do.” When her first foster daughter went home, people always commented on how hard it must be and how upset she must be, but she always told them that reunification is the goal of foster care. Anise’s foster daughter had two sisters, and her mom was a single mom. Anise actually worked with her to get all three of her girls back home.They actually have formed such a good relationship, that Anise took her wedding pictures and her daughters come stay with her from time to time. They became family, and without this journey, they never would have met. She supported reunification for this family, and would have supported it for the children she adopted, if it would have been safe to do so. That’s the goal whenever it is possible.
When asked what advice she would give to current foster parents, Anise said “to be open.” With Anise’s first foster daughter, her social worker would not allow Anise and the girl’s mom to meet. She was going behind Anise’s back and telling the mom bad things about her and was doing the same with Anise. Anise said that if reunification is truly the goal, then foster parents have to be willing and open to meeting biological parents and having conversations. She said that if you see each other in the grocery store then you should be able to ask each other questions, and have conversations about what you can do to help. She advised foster parents to“ask biological parents how they can help and encourage them. Anise said foster parents should not give up on having a relationship with the child’s parents, and particularly to be open to co-parenting. The child may have visitations and overnight visitations and foster parents should be open to that. They may only get their child for an hour or two, but they are working hard to get them back. She encouraged foster parents to “get the email address of biological parents and send them pictures, videos, and updates, and include them in their child’s life.”
Anise encourages everyone to be involved in foster care and to make a difference in a child’s life. She is a great lady with a beautiful family, who works hard to make sure they have the best life possible, while also understanding their story. Thank you Anise for everything you do and thank you to all the foster parents who work hard every day to help children and families.
